Im interested in joining the army, what do?

ever since my gpa in highschool was a .7 ive come to terms with the fact the only employment i could ever get was in the military. I know they dont look for very intellegent individuals, so i feel like ill fit in perfectly. Basically all i did through high school anyway was use LSD and play Call of Duty Modern Warfare, and it really inspired me. I was like, if these commandos on this video game can kill whoever they want, then i should definitely be able to do that in the army! im intending on going to basic within the next couple of months and am looking forward to keeping my cuntry safe from murderous villains and terrorists. The only thing keeping me from killing myself, is my unstoppable devotion and love for my country that i pledged allegiance too every day while in highh school while on lsd.